He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
