i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
