So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so let's talk penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
