well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize