Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
