also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
