I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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