How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize