is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Less talking, more tequila
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
