Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
