i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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