I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
