They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
