Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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