It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
