Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
