Me too!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
