if you like me you must not know who I am
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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