we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
