I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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