Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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