im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
