i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
