Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There r osticjed everywhere
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
