i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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