dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
