guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
