did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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