my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
