Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
