I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
