You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
