i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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