omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize