I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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