So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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