If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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