it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
