he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
