haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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