Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
