at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
