I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
