one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
