I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
