Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
