DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
