I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
