I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
