my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize