The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
