So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
