Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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