he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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