I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
