Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
