So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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