she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
