I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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