I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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