You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
