some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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