so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
