jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
