i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
