Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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