Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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