Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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